Sunday, July 4, 2010

Tales from Dating Sites - Mr. Suit-jacket-and-jeans

So I have to reference a previous post

in which I introduced you to my profile on a dating site.

Definitely, being newly single, this has opened my eyes up to a wide variety of weirdfucks that reside in my own city. Not that I was unaware of it, more perhaps, blind to it.

So my profile has lended itself to a variety of responses...

Here are a few:

"So you are just out to get some dinner?"

"What does spongeworthy mean?"

"Why are you on a dating site if you hate men?"

And my favorite..."So you're beautiful, big deal..."

Ha, that one made me laugh outloud. I seem to receive alot of messages from fellows who are quite put off by the fact that I lay it all out there. IMAGINE - A woman who knows what she wants!!!! Well, that is not entirely true. I DON'T have it all figured out, BUT, I do know what I don't want.

Recently, I receive a message from one guy saying "I didn't scare him", but he wondered if I was really the bitch I made myself out to be. So I responded back and indicated that telling the truth isn't bitchy, it is a noble thing that most people are afraid to do.

Anyway, we make dinner plans and go to Mama Carrola's in Broad Ripple, I have never been there. So, keep in mind, I make NO excuses and put RIGHT out there, I am NOT looking for any sort of relationship. ALL I am interested in is a friendship. Dinner, hanging out, etc. (I recognize it is impossible for the male species to do that.) BUT if someone agrees they are ok with that, ok then, we have dinner.

So Mr. Suave shows up and for appearances sake, for the MOST part, he was a well groomed, put together fellow. He had dark hair and eyes (love that) and his teeth were good (another BIG plus). However, as you scroll down, sigh, guys, I just don't get the suit jacket and jeans look. It will have to be explained to me because Mr. Suave QUICKLY turned into Mr. Suit-jacket-and-jeans, and there was no going back. And the suit jacket was white. (wah wah waaaaaahhhhhh) Not a white sportcoat made out of khaki material or anything like that, but it looked like a white tux jacket. Ok so...I give points for trying BUT it IS STILL A SUIT JACKET AND JEANS!!!!!!!

I looked at his feet to see if he had on the white shoes Chevy Chase wore in 'Vacation', because had he had THOSE on, I could have forgiven him, solely for humour purposes.

And of course I am freaking out because me and white, do not go together. I see white, I get it dirty. Not my fault of course, but I just naturally attract spills and dirt, lol.

So we sit down and begin to look over the menu, and he, naturally nervous, begins making small talk, while wringing his hands and shifting his eyes back and forth. I ask if he is ok, and he indicates he will be right back....

So he leaves.

Well I order a martini, and am sitting outside on the patio, and quite honestly, it IS a lovely place, if you have never been there, (Mama Carrolas) you should go. So my drink comes, and he doesn't.

So I sip my drink, while listening to other peoples conversation ( a couple arguing about the color valance to hang in the kitchen, a foursome discussing "some shameful woman") and FINALLY, Mr Suit returns.

So he sits and we again return to looking over the menu, and I ask what he does, and then he proceeds to launch into his rehearsed speech of "what he had planned to say". It was then I notice...the lisp. Up until that point, he hadn't really said many words that involve an "S" sound, so I didn't notice it. But it was there.

Once we ordered, he began to speak again, going on and on about his work, with the lisp...and I was thinking to myself, fuck, I am going to have to order another drink just so I can listen to this...and next thing you know, mid-sentence, he excused himself again.

Upon return, before even sitting back down, he was talking about his work again...and getting his degree, and how the degree will help work, when the food came. So it was THEN I think, ok, perhaps he will pause and ask me something about myself.

RIIIIIGHT - in between mouthfuls of alfredo (smart getting alfredo, it won't stain the suit jacket), he continued to discuss work, and lisping.

All in all, the best part of the evening was the ambience and the actual dinner (I had some sort of seafood lingiune which was worth selling my left ovary for). Well, and I guess I DID gather some "takeaway" items for myself...

1. I still stand behind a suit jacket and jeans is NEVER a good look.

2. A WHITE suit jacket and jeans is only good if you have white patent leather shoes to match

3. I find it brutally difficult to listen to a lisp, yes, I am shallow, but we all have our things, ok? If I had to listen to that day in, day out, I would kill myself I think

4. Talking solely about yourself constantly does not make for good conversation

5. Talking solely about yourself, with a lisp, does not make for great conversation.

6. Yes, I am overlooking the 'excusing to go to the bathroom'...small bladders...or...whatEVER you are doing in none of MY business...

So ultimately, it was not a loss, AND I have decided actually to look on ebay I think, for a pair of white patent leather shoes...for the next guy, just in case, you know...



  1. some people are rude enough to keep excusing themselves, when it's really to talk on the phone, listen to voicemail or send text. sounds like a character though..

  2. Yeah, I am not sure what the deal was with that...that is why I kinda...left it

  3. I swear you need to write a book!