Tuesday, June 8, 2010

"What's going on with your face????" - Yeah? What's going on with yours, asshole?

Yes, unfortunately, as women, we seem to have a habit of tearing each other down. We do this because we are seen as competition to each other.

Rather than building each other up and supporting each other, we pick each other over like old women do in the produce section..."Oh that one has dimpled skin....ew that one has a squishy side....oh that one has too many spots".

What is so funny to me, is we do this, as if the person we are talking about doesn't know they are a little squishy, or dimpled, or spotty.....


The most INTERESTING thing I have found, is that it is NOT just women!!!! I have met a new species of male, I am REALLY thinking it is the ego-inflated alpha male that is in competition and has to just be better than EVERYONE. Yeah, I have an alpha male talking bad about me to my face. About my face LOL.

I think when you pose in front of a camera and are proud of your work, people make this assumption that you are or you THINK you are perfect. WRONG. I just like to act and pose as different characters in front of camera. Same thing being on stage. It is a passion.

I am a regular person who drinks too much, eats too much, has war wounds from the lil man, and occaisionally misses the sink when hockin up a good loogie...just like you.

So ever since having the lil man, duh, hormones change you, and for the past 9 years now, I have wrestled with acne on my face. BUM BUM BUUUUUUUM (dramatic music)!!!!!!!!

Yes, the dreaded adult onset acne or whatever the hell they call it. And this shit is staying, I swear. I have done about everything and been to just about everyone. I have done body cleanses and facials and had a doctor examine me from head to toe (ok, so that was just a benefit, wasn't REALLY to take care of the skin issue)....needless to say, it comes with this package.

I am not afraid or embarrassed to talk about it. I generally tell the photographers I work with upfront, I have skin issues. Let me know if that is a problem, because I understand what a pain in the ass photoshop can be.

So - I have skin issues. No it is not pleasant, but it is what it is.


I do not need Mr. Alpha Male coming up to me once a week or once every two weeks and saying all nice and friendly, "Hey Smitty, what's up?!!?!?!?!?!" And then proceeding to gesture to his face and go, "So what's going on with the face here?"

What the fuck do you say to that? "Hey fucktard, whats going on with YOUR face???"

Kind of hard to say that in a politically correct way.

Yeah so I smile politely and say honestly, "Yeah, I know, isn't it just terrible?" (and then proceed to bat my eyelashes like a good southern belle when talking to an alpha male....)

I have yet to figure out why the alpha male continues to bring up my face. Why is this an issue for him? I mean, is he hung up on me and THIS is the one thing that makes me undesirable and so he has to point it out so he is LESS hung up on me?

Or does he think I am egotistical and this is HIS way of "keeping me grounded"????

I am not exactly sure.

What I DO know for sure is:

I have skin issues...I have (gasp) adult onset acne!!!!!!!!

But it, like everything else, does not define who you are no matter what anyone says to you. You are more than what your face looks like, or ass looks like....

So....in conclusion,

I am not perfect, I have many issues, and alpha male can just take a big bite of fuck off and choke on it :)

(guess its a good thing he has never seen the stretch marks on my stomach then...)


Tales of "Dating Sites"

Well, I did it, like most single people do at some point in their life I assume. I figured I might as well post a profile on a singles site so I can cross that one off my bucket list, BUT more important than that!!!! Sit back and rack up the ideas for writing topics.

And let me tell you I was NOT let down. So I go to a site and post a profile, and for those of you who really know me, you know I am going to be as forthright and honest as I can be, to my own detriment, some would say :)

The profile has not disappointed me one bit and I am going to keep it up forever I think. I have listed what is on it below, verbatim. There will be MANY posts I am sure about this...so I want to make sure all of the "background" information is out there and available.

Perhaps one might ask, "Why would you put up a profile on a singles site if you aren't interested in dating? If you are just interested in friends, etc??? Isn't that lying and taking advantage, especially if you write about it all???"

In a word, no. In 8 words, I don't give a fuck what people think.
I love to meet new people. I don't know many strangers and enjoy living in all directions. If that means meeting a new friend for coffee once and we never speak again, then it was a fun ride and so be it.

If you fail to read my profile information, I will be able to tell.

Am a spunky redhead that likes to live life FULLY.

Not interested in a "relationship", or "building a foundation with you", or you forming any expectations of me...I am too busy for that. However, I love to be taken out to dinner and enjoy meeting new people. So essentially, I just look to make friends. Not people who can't handle the fact I have a life, and enjoy living it.

If you are a fellow that thinks you can be "spongeworthy", lol, give it your best shot.

"Spongeworthy" (note - this list does not encompass all of the things that make a person spongeworthy. I reserve the right to add to, alter, or make exception to the rule for my safety, your safety, or for the sheer hell of it)

1. If you send me a message and you cannot spell or your profile is loaded with "text-talk", you will be ignored. We all have our eccentricities, and poor spelling/text-talk is one of mine.

2. Please come up with something better than "Hi, how are you?". If you send me that, I will respond with "Good, thanks", and where did that get you? Nada.

3. If you are younger than 30, keep in mind that I am well aware of the male mentality being about 5 years younger than your actual age. For me to even entertain your bullshit, you had better be something spectacular.

4. I am independent, free-spirited, and always have an opinion. If this scares you, move on. I don't always have to be right, I am able to agree to disagree, however, I will speak my mind.

5. If you send me a message that says, "You're beautiful, big deal"- please be prepared to explain exactly what you mean. If you have hang ups because I am confident and self-assured, now that's really your problem, isn't it?


I do theater in Indianapolis, and have a passion for photography, art, wine, and being outdoors. Dancing is one of my favorite things, and I will try just about anything once.

Monday, June 7, 2010

For the Friend at the Beginning of the End...

Thinking about a good friend of mine recently, who has been having issues with a relationship, has really made me reconfirm several things I know to be true for me.

For me, I will repeat again....FOR ME. I think you get to a point in your life where you learn things about yourself that you accept. One of those things is that I know that the ideals I have in my head may not be right for anyone else, and I don't force those ideals onto anyone else.

So FOR ME, deciding what worth is, and what I am worth as a person, is the first crucial step before anyhting else is decided. Who ever said your value is less than anyone elses?

Secondly, why must we have "someone" else in our lives, the signif other, in order to make us feel worthwhile? This one is tricky. There was a movie years ago with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, and they were married. Gere began taking dancing lessons without telling his wife...she thought he was cheating on her, so she had a PI follow him. Sarandon was talking to the PI and he asked essentially, "Why do people marry?"

I love what she said. She said because it is a witness to your life. You are saying your life, all the mundane, little things, will not go unnoticed, because I will be there to witness it.

That is why I find this to be tricky. Some of us need a specific person to fill that void, some of us would be content with just friends to fill that capacity. Perhaps others, don't have a need to have that sort of connection.

Unfortunately, my friend is in a horrible status of limbo, almost to the point of waiting to see what life will bring next, as opposed to reaching out and telling life what it will bring next. No we don't always get to choose what happens, but with everything, you DO have a choice. My life experience has shown me that the other shoe always drops, always. So the choice could be, do you sit around and wait for the other shoe to drop, or do you tear that motherfucker off and throw it back at the door as you walk through it?

Or do you let the show drop but scoot a little to the left so it doesn't hit you smack on the head when it does?

This woman is stronger than she knows, stronger than she lets herself believe. The fire that gets put out in so many of us from life, and marriage, and kids, and work, she still has it. I adore talking to her because while she may call me the "O wise one"...she is the one who really gives me the reconfirmed strength in what it is I believe in. And I am a better person, mother, and friend because of her.



Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Burn baby burn...

So this past weekend...

I went to visit Dad and Shelia in Alabama. Yes, for those of you who don't know, I AM a girl with southern roots.

Dad was raised in a little podunk town called Gurley, Alabama and I believe it is still the only town I am aware of that has the original whorehouse still standing.

The past 14 months have been a struggle for them, to say the least. My dad has been away for about a year, working at a nuclear plant in New Mexico, so he is rarely home :( Their house burnt to the ground over a year ago, and spent the next 4 months living in a trailer on their property while the house was being rebuilt. I must say, it was worth it though, because what they did was phenomenol. The house is bigger and better than it ever was.

I love going there to visit because my dad has a game room that would almost shame Dave and Buster's. We spend many an evening playing air hockey, pool, darts, cornhole, and MY personal fave, Karaoke. He has this massive system hooked up to a big flat screen tv, and next to it is the bar area and we just party like rock stars when we are there.

Of course, dad insists that SOMEONE do the Kenny and Dolly "Islands in the Stream", and when I visit, of course, it is me, even though I continue to protest I don'y know the song...barely even thr chorus...but it's my DAD - can't say no.

Lil man enjoys performing his renditions of Toby Keith, and this most recent time, Carrie Underwood. Of course I HAVE to sing with him, because he says he is too shy to do it alone, so ok, fine.

The FUNNIEST time ever, was when he and I had...what one might say, a little too much to drink (it's always a funny concept in itself getting smacked with your father)...and of course everyone had gone to bed, but us. We were up doing 'Piano Man', and Benny and the Jets, and December 1963 - Oh What a Night....and for the finale we grabbed the micorphone stands and renacted the music video to "Jump", by David Lee Roth.

No, we did not have the lycra spandex pants, although that MAY have made the whole thing that much better, but the both of us had seen that video so many times, we had it down!!!!
I believe dad even twirled the microphone stand around his body and did the classic scissor kick. Naturally, when he started gyrating like Elvis that was when I said, "Um, Dad, um....no. Just no"

You never want to see a middle aged man who thinks he can gyrate like Elvis, attempt to gyrate like Elvis. Especially when that gyrating Elvis-like man is your father....

So anyhow, the trip was GOOD! :)

It rained, BUT we played cornhole and I got my ass kicked pathetically.

I ate too much. They insist on feeding me huge southern breakfasts and I rarely ever eat breakfast, so the biscuits and gravy and sausage and eggs and bacon and hashbrowns did a number on my body. BUT the wings and the BBQ were SUPERB and that is 75% of the reason I go visit :)

I get home last night about 5pm, give them a call, telling them i made it back ok.

TODAY, they inform me that at 9pm last night, a fireman knocked on their door to tell them that their barn was in flames.



IDK, I got nuthin.

It is difficult to watch people that you love suffer through life, especially when you are 500 miles away and can't do anything about it. Not that I could do anything about it if I was closer....

No one was hurt, and they seem to be in good spirits about it, which is really all you can do. Not sure what started the fire, and they arent sure if it is worth rebuilding yet...

Call me cruel, but hell, I am just glad the karaoke machine survived...