Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dear Miss Red...

The auditors have reported back their information on your most recent internal audit and we wanted to share our findings:

1. The weight training routine has caused your muscles to grow and the fat to run screaming, bravo.
a. However, the intense amount of strain on the muscle has indicated a stress push, which often happens when people exercise out of anger, rage, or venting.
b. We also find an overcompensation of weight lifting due to excess consumption of alcohol.

2. Your normal regulated system of "holding people at arm's length" seemed to be shut down for an individual in particular, and that has backfired in your face, as your internal emotion system has self destructed.
a. Resuming the arm's length protocol for everyone seems to be the best solution at this time.

3. Your hard shell exterior has been knicked, and neglecting to patch that crack could result in your soft insides spilling out, and we would'nt want anyone to see that, now would we???

4. The overlooked, neglect-feel you have, is your own fault - refer to #2 above.

5. You receive an A+ for strength and perseverance, as for the MOST part, very few on the outside notice these audit failings. And if they do - refer to #2 above.

6. Your biological clock is dead, and we couldn't be happier, but the internal clock keeps ticking away asking when you are going to set in motion all of the things you are going to accomplish?

7. All of your insides have asked when they can expect some rest? Sleep is not a bad thing. Please look into

8. The McDonald's fries, and hugeass hamburger (yes, we saw you) you ate for not really helping things, gorgeous...

Please review these audit findings and if you happen to have any pushback, please let the committee know - otherwise, we will look to you making changes appropriate as we have suggested.

Thank you again for another internal audit.

~the Auditor

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