A GUEST poster on a good friend's blog :) She commissioned me and of course I can't say no to giving my opinion. She mentioned the need to perhaps censor my words for her viewing audience....and that's ok. But here is my guest post in its uncensored entirety...
Oh and the link to her blog, which the post I have sent you to is the precursor to the one she asked me to write....
Dealing with the DREADED FB UNFRIENDING is the sad connundrum we ourselves have placed upon us. why is it SO terminal when we are minding our own business on Facebook...checking out what people are doing, and GASP! We realize in horror that we have been UNFRIENDED, or (EVEN WORSE) BLOCKED!!!!!
Is it the fact that this was SUCH a public display of a diss? Personally, I have been unfriended a few times, blocked a few times, and each time, I simply have to laugh. Sure, there is the initial "shock and awe" of HOW DARE THEY?!?!?!!?!? But really, this all boils down to the equivalent of a group of 5 year olds on the playground taunting each other. And it is - because Facebook is the adult playground.
This year in fact, I had an UNFRIENDING, which to this day, leaves me cackling....
I was sitting on my computer, with Facebook up, doing homework, and typing on Yahoo IM (multi-tasker!!!!). I was chatting on Yahoo IM with a male friend who was having some issues with me...and I was listening, rather, pretending to listen, as he ranted on and on. It ends up he gets SO pissed with me, he signs off IM abruptly. I think to myself, well, ok, he needs to cool off, ok fine.
So back to my homework I go...
Next thing I know, my phone starts buzzing continuously as this fellow is rapid-fire texting me...as I pick up my phone to look at it, I do believe I said aloud, "Are you kidding me!?!???" To be honest it was so long ago I forget the conversation exactly, but I do know that me replying just added fuel to his fire.
He said a few choice words and I thought - geez, no way I can do homework with this going on - I KNOW!!! I will play on Facebook! And so I procede to click on people and check out what they are doing. I happen to click on the very person I was talking to (yes - I actually wanted to see if they had changed their status to reflect the current happenings, lol) and HOLY HELL, I WAS NOT A FRIEND!!!!!
I started giggling at that point, and was cackling by the time I had texted "Did you just unfriend me on Facebook?" into my phone as a reply to him.
Silence. (because no sooner than 2 seconds after you did it, I caught you mutha-fucka!!!)
So I send another text. "Real mature for a 30 something adult there pal"
So I cackle to myself and NATURALLY go to Facebook to update my status 'I WAS UNFRIENDED ON FACEBOOK AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT'
About an hour later, I receive a friend request with an email following asking my forgiveness, how stupid and immature he was, he was just so mad, etc, etc, etc
We are still not FB "friends". And I still cackle about it.
Dealing with unfriending and being unfriended:
1. If you are unfriended, it is NOT a diss, nor is it a reflection on you as a person. If you are basing your ego on being unfriended, you seriously have more issues than that.
2. If you are unfriended, I would suggest a "benefit of the doubt" refriending, whereby you send a friend request to the culprit. If they accept, you know it was a casual mistake. Technology DOES fail. If they don't, do not begin to 'friend request stalk' - that just shows how pathetic you really are and will potentially cause them to block you (and then you can't even view their activity from your common friends walls!!!)
3. If you decide to unfriend someone, THIS is a big decision. You literally can be sending someone into a mental breakdown of sorts. Make sure you are FINAL in your unfriending.
4. Perhaps you actually might be really just sick of seeing all their dumbass posts, and getting all the status updates about how pathetic they are, or how they just took a big dump in Poop Row....in which case, consider "Hiding" before Unfriending. They won't know you have hidden them. And that will be one less serial murderer for me to worry about on Craigslist.
5. You may use the Unfriending as I do, as a punishment to assholes who do you wrong. This is OK, as long as you are not just acting out of stupid anger. When I recently moved, a friend on FB sent me a message indicating they would totally be there to help me move. (I knew this person outside of FB, by the way) They said "You can count on me". And then moving day NO CALL NO SHOW. They left me hanging without an explanation. So - to showcase MY irritability with their actions, I unfriended them. That was my way of saying "Fuck off" without actually haveing to exert the effort of typing them a message...just a simple CLICK, and they were gone. It was a cleansing feeling :)
All in all, I must say, I LOVE Facebook. I used to say it is my crack. I am better about it now as in I don't HAVE to be on it all the time, and I am not. I find it a good resource to network and laugh with people about shit, and laugh at people about their shit. Don't take the unfriending personally, laugh it off, you aren't 5 years old you know...